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Something goofy is going on with my Facebook, things are being deleted, there are posts up that I didn't make...maybe this is a good reason to delete my Facebook for a while! ;-)

HOUSE!

Hmmm...These pictures just won't go where I want them to. It's just a few random pictures of the house, the sideways picture is of deer enjoying our yard. And the one on of the front of the house is showing off the front door being red now and not the awful yellow!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow....

We close on the house tomorrow morning! We have waited for so long, since we made the decision to buy the 'other' house this has been our plan. We are nervous, excited, happy, scared, and a host of other things. We have been staying with my parents for 7 long weeks and I can't thank them enough for letting us stay here an completely disrupt their household and their sanity. But we are more than ready to move on! It has been a test of patience and tongue biting on so many levels and we are all just ready to have our own space again.

I can't wait to start making our new house a home!

well?

We should hear the results of the water test for the house tomorrow late afternoon. The well needed to be shocked and we are praying that it worked. The house has been vacant for over a year so the water not passing wasn't a surprise, we just hope that a shock was all that it needed.

After we hear the results from that and have a 100% go for closing on Thursday I get to start calling companies and setting up utilities, deliveries and getting the hot tub guy to come out and get us up and running! I'm SO looking forward to soaking in it after moving and unpacking! I need to make a decision on what washer and dryer to buy, I just can't decide. I know that I want the most energy efficient one I can find. It's going to cost more up front but will be worth it in the long run since 6 people make a TON of laundry!

Home Sweet Home??

Our loan has gotten funding back, sorta kinda, it's not definite but we have hope now. We have a mortgage commitment date of this Friday and still no news on our mortgage since they are so backed up from loans that were supposed to close in late October. I'm freaking out. Just a little. Ok, a lot. We have a Settlement goal of Nov 11. Which would mean that we only have 8 more days before we are home owners again and not squatters.

There are more than a few people talking "trash" about us and it bothered me at first, but not any more. As I've said many times before, Jealousy is a nasty, nasty thing...

PANIC

I'm panicking. Our loan still has no funding. Other lenders are no longer accepting applications for these loans until sometime after mid November. We are set to close on November 18th. It's 4 weeks from today. We had hoped to close sooner than that but obviously that's not looking like a possibility. It only took 2 weeks the last time the loan had funding pulled and 2 days the time prior and now it's our house on the line and it has already been 3 weeks and no word of the funding coming back. I'm just so damn scared.

Holy Sh*t!

The appraisal was challenged and they LOST! So we now get a cool $10,000 knocked off of the sales price! Holy crap - we are stunned and ecstatic! Maybe the appraiser couldn't see past the ugly yellow front and side door and all of the AWFUL wallpaper inside, oh and the ugly bathroom flooring. But all of those are "easy" cosmetic fixes! Please pardon me for bragging, because I totally am ~ thank you to the appraiser for helping us get our 3,200 sq ft, 3-1/2 bath dream home on 1.50 acres for 10k less!

Quickie

News on the "hope to be" new house:

It was broken into sometime over the weekend and they ruined at least the 9ft patio doors which are really expensive to replace. :-(

Our loan still has no funding, so a big "thank you" to the Government for possibly making us lose this house.

The appraisal came back low, which is pure crap according to all local comps for houses sold within the last 3 months. They are challenging the appraisal and if it doesn't work they have the option of pulling out of the contract and we lose all of the money already invested in the house, or lower the sales price to what the house DID appraise for which would be good for us.

I'm tired of all of this. We NEED to get out of my parents house since it's just getting worse every day. The kids need stability. We need our own space and my parents need their space back! I'm ready to move on, literally!!!

Praying this all works out and all of this headache and worry will have been worth it!

Moving right along

We had our home inspection today that went pretty much as we had expected. Our 1st water test was bad so we're working on shocking the well and retesting. Late this afternoon was the termite inspection which we don't have the results for and tomorrow is our appraisal. We are the most anxious about the appraisal because that will tell us what our loan is going to require us to fix. The next hurdle to overcome and certainly the biggest is us getting our mortgage!!! It's so stressful because as of right now there is NO funding for our loan. The government better get it in gear and sign off on the new funding!

We cannot wait to get on with our lives - we feel like we are in severe limbo! We drove by the Y today and I miss it so much! I want to get the kids back into their programs and us back into the gym!

I am so excited for the kids to see their new house. Oh how I hope it ends up as our new house.

pictures

HOUSE!

We went to see our house tonight. And we absolutely LOVE IT! The yard, the stone pillars and fireplace, and a driveway with a garage! After 5 plus years of parallel parking - a driveway is heaven!!! The septic inspection has been completed and is fine, the bank did the inspection and provided us with a copy. We are fine with it and we didn't have to pay for it! Ha! Tomorrow morning we go to do mortgage things and pray that the government gives funding back to our loan program or we are screwed, but I'm trying not to think that way! Tuesday at noon is our home inspection which I'm nervous about. Our loan has strict safety codes and if there's anything that they object to we have to fix it ourselves before settlement since this house is bank owned. It's scary! We already know that we need to install a railing on top of a retaining wall and probably power wash and stain the deck since there is not allowed to be any peeling paint and the deck needs to be stained really bad. I'm kind of glad though because we don't like the color anyway.

The house has tons of horrible wallpaper. Oh my word. It's everywhere! They even wallpapered the outlet covers and light switches!! We have our work cut out for us with removing all of that. We also have to paint every room but will have to do it after we move in since staying here longer than necessary just isn't an option. There are many updates to be made, flooring in some rooms, doors, light fixtures, etc, but when we are done it's going to be our perfect house! I'm struggling with being too excited and then being let down by something going wrong with the inspections or mortgage. The mortgage wouldn't be a worry if the the government would just pass the stupid fiscal budget already. Ug. Our loan doesn't have funding as well as the VA loans. Say a prayer that everything works out.

House!

We got a house!! We have a freaking new house!! That we haven't ever seen in person!! Yes, that's what I said!! We're crazy but felt from the minute we saw the pictures that this house was the one. We will see it tomorrow night after we get back from NC!

Finished

The time has come and this is our last night in this house. I'm relieved, excited, scared, and angry all at the same time. I'm relieved that this chapter of our life is over. We have hated living here for so long that the thought of not coming back here brings me such relief! We are excited about finding a house we will love coming home to and that will have the room, inside and out, that we need! I'm scared and angry because we don't have a house under contract yet and I thought it would be easier than it has been. We've bid on 3 houses and have had something go wrong on each. I'm not looking forward to staying with my parents for a few weeks while we figure out what to do, find a house to buy or rent something until "our" house comes along. I know my parents aren't looking forward to it either but have been gracious enough to let us stay there for a bit.

I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself, I've literally packed the entire house by myself! Matt has been on a shut down and has been on night shift this entire month except for the 14th so things have been wicked tough in the Brown house lately. He's been getting up early to go to see a few houses with me, the other times my Dad has gone with me for a second set of eyes. Mom has watched the kids on a few occasions while we did that or while we made trips to the storage unit with Dad's trailer. I couldn't have done this without them! I'm so proud of Matt too! He has been away from his family for about 16 hours a day for the whole month and has been pulled in 1,000 different directions and hasn't complained too much! This is his first shut down where he was a boss and the stress of that was different for him but he is doing amazing!

We go to settlement on Friday morning and we didn't want to go so we tried to sign the papers early with a notary but something messed things up and we have to go Friday. I didn't want to go because it's uncomfortable to be selling a house we hate to someone we went to high school with. I graduated with the husband and his wife was a grade or two behind us so it's just really strange.

I don't think there has been another time in my life where I've felt as out of control as I do now. Everything is chaotic and I've been screwing up some major things that I normally wouldn't. I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night, have had the house a mess with no time to organize important papers. I can't focus on anything. I'm so scattered it's crazy. I hope I get my act together more after Friday when this chapter is closed and I can just concentrate on the kids and finding them a new house. I get so upset when I think about how often they've wanted to go outside to play and I wouldn't let them because of the "activities" and people that were around. We would have to go to the park or my parents for them to really play. I cannot wait to give them a big back yard to run crazy in and a place for them to ride their bikes and just be kids.

I apologize that this post has been so all over the place but as I said, I can't focus on anything!

House Update

Our Inspection, Termite and Radon reports came in today and they were even better than we expected! We have to install a new hot water heater which we already knew, and do 3 other tiny things and then we're ready to roll! Our last hurdle to get over before settlement is the appraisal which I'm hoping is going to be done next week. I can't take the not knowing anymore!

We have been seriously house shopping and are really thinking that we will NOT be moving to NJ. We cannot find anything we like in a house but worse than that we can't find an area we would want to live in. We're just 'country folk' I guess and in NJ there isn't much of that in our price range. We have fallen in love with a house in PA but aren't done shopping just yet. We are hoping to put an offer in on something as soon as we get the appraisal results.

I'm stressed beyond belief, exhausted from not sleeping, walking around in a fog because my mind is going 1,000 miles a minute, and just beyond excited, happy and relieved!!

Quick

We got an offer on our house and are going to close Sept 23 if everything goes well! We are cautiously excited. The inspections and appraisal will be done on Monday the 8th and we hope to have all of the results by Friday the 12th. I'm beyond nervous that something will go wrong with the inspections or appraisal and the deal will fall through. I'm nervous about the radon testing for some reason. We had ok results 5 years ago so we should be fine but I'm so scared that the results are going to be dangerously high and we didn't know it and it hurt the kids or something. I know I worry too much. The appraisal is going to be a huge hurdle as well as making sure the knob and tube wiring in two rooms doesn't pose a problem. It shouldn't because the buyer knows about it now since it's in the sellers disclosure. After the inspections are complete and the buyer ok's everything or we come to terms with changes they want made, we will start looking for a new house. I don't want to start too soon be because I don't want to fall in love with a house and then have something go wrong with selling this house. Everything just seems so surreal.
Last week we sold Matt's truck. He loved his truck but we decided that we needed to get rid of it since the house wasn't selling and we couldn't afford the gas in it anymore. Last weekend I buried a Saint Joseph statue upside down, facing our house next to the for sale sign and said a prayer to Saint Joseph to help us sell our house and move on. I had never heard of this before and if you haven't either, google it so you know I'm not completely crazy. But my friend Rebecca, who I owe big time for telling me about it, suggested we get one. Low and behold, we got two showings on Monday and a signed contract on Wednesday. I also can't help but think that MomMom had something to do with it. MomMom always told me to "not take her babies away" and move away from her since she just adored seeing them all of the time. And now that she has passed, she helped us sell since she's now with us wherever we go.



I better try to get some sleep.

Last Day

How is it possible that we are heading into the 4th of July weekend?! And two more weeks until I turn 30!! Holy moly!

MomMom

Matt's Grandmother went into the arms of Jesus tonight at 9:05pm. We will miss her terribly. I will miss seeing her all of the time when the kids and I go for walks. We would stop and see her several times a week when the weather was nice. We would see her not as often in the winter but still stopped over for short visits. I am so sad to think of telling the kids in the morning. The kids kept drawing her pictures and wanting to go and see her to make her feel better.
Please pray for Matt's family.

Family Update

Matt's Grandmother is one strong lady! She's trying to keep her promise to Rob that she'll still be here when he comes back on Saturday afternoon. I pray that she can do it, but like I said, She's a strong woman so if anyone could, it'd be her!

Another member of Matt's family, Whose nickname is Brownie, passed away last night around 10:30pm. He fought a hard battle with cancer. I remember Brownie from when we both worked at W&J, he was so vibrant and always poking fun at people and making them laugh when he would come into the office around lunch.

I'm trying to help with everything going on as much as I can but I don't want the kids to see MomMom like she is so I can only help if Matt is at home. I've made food to take down and am going to make more to try and make sure that Debbi is eating and taking care of herself while she's caring for MomMom. Talk about a strong woman, Debbi is amazing and is doing everything she can with such grace. I so wish that there was more that I could do to help. My heart just aches for everyone, I'm trying to put my own feelings aside, but that's a whole other post.

Keep praying for peace, comfort and strength for everyone.

Tough One

Today is going to be a tough day. Matt's Grandmother is going to meet Jesus very soon and it's very hard on everyone. Please pray for Matt and his family.

Quote of the Day!

"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means that you are above them."

Lost

The more that it sinks in that my engagement ring is gone forever, the more upset I get. I just can't believe that it's gone. I have been looking online at a new ring but all I want is "my" ring. I won't have any trouble getting a ring that looks just like it because I had a solitaire but obviously it just isn't the same. We were talking about having my diamond reset since I couldn't get it resized and we had even looked at a few settings and I was ok with getting a new setting for it before I lost it. But I just don't even want to go and look at rings. I just want my ring back. :-(

Vacation

I apologize for the scattered, horribly written post - but after reading this post, you'll know why. We came home from Hatteras, NC today. We had a blast at the beach! The kids loved the beach and literally ran around non-stop for hours. We would get home from the beach and jump right into the pool, and Grace and Evan were like little fish! We went onto the beach in Frisco since the beach was super flat and there were amazing tide pools for the kids to play in. We went onto the sound side of the island on Thursday and we found a lot of hermit crabs that the kids had a blast playing with! We went to Ocracoke on Monday and ate a Howard's Pub, then did a little shopping and hung out on the island. All of the kids slept on the ferry ride back to Hatteras.

The ride home this morning was interesting, we left at 3am and got stuck on the only road off the island because of a fire. We were stuck there for almost 2 hours, which made our 9 hour ride home almost 11 hours. The kids were troopers and did really well in the car.

One of the bad things that happened while we were at the beach was I lost my engagement ring. I'm beyond upset. I have lost weight and it was getting loose and I shouldn't have been wearing it. I took it off before we went to the beach every day and then Thursday morning was crazy and forgot to take it off. We were on our way back to the house when I realized that I only had my wedding band on. I never resized my wedding band, it's still a 5-1/2, but I had my engagement ring resized because even after the twins were born my fingers were so fat that I thought they'd never get smaller. I'm just sick thinking about it. I keep thinking that maybe I'll end up finding it in the car or in one of the bags but I'm 99% sure that I lost it on the beach/in the ocean.

My lost ring is nothing compared to other news we found out while we were away, and the reason that we came home a day early. Matt's Grandmother, who we call MomMom and is Rob's Mom, is very very sick. She only has a few days left. I always take the kids for a walk and go to visit her. She always has cookies for the kids. They sure love their MomMom. We haven't told the kids anything other than she is very sick. MomMom has made the decision to come home from the hospital tomorrow so we will all go and visit with her tomorrow at her house.

LAST MINUTE!

I am beyond excited - we found a last minute bargain beach rental! I'm so excited to get out of this town!! The kids are pumped - uncrowded beaches, a private heated pool at our house, a hot tub, screened in porch and views of the beach and sound from the house, what more could we ask for?!! I am trying to get everything ready to go away as well as get the house ready so that it will be ready for a showing in case we get one while we're away! Last year we thought that there was no way we were going to have a showing while we were away but low and behold we got a guy who wanted a second showing and I had to ask a huge favor from Molly to go over and clean up my house, I was mortified!!

I think a vacation is just what we need! :)

Think Good Thoughts

I know that I've said this many many many times before but I'm reaching out to the blogging world for some positive thoughts, prayers if you're the praying type, to help us sell our house. We NEED something to change. NOW. To say that I'm miserable is an understatement. It's sending me into a depression and that's not helping anyone or anything. We just need someone to buy the darn house so that we can literally move on with our lives. This living in limbo stuff is awful.

There - rant over.

I'll have a happy post with pictures soon!! Promise!

Big Day!

Today was Grace's big graduation ceremony for Pre-K. She did amazing, I am so proud of her! I can't wait to post some pictures and video of her. On our way home she asked how many days until she starts Kindergarten! And Evan said, "I'm going to miss Grace when she's in Kindergarten." So sweet!

On a different topic - we need a miracle in order to sell this house. I'm praying that the market will pick up a little in June after school lets out. I am desperate to move before Kindergarten starts, but am trying to be ok with that not happening because it's not looking good. I've heard rumblings that the banks are starting to loosen up a little bit about their lending so I'm hoping that that will help potential buyers and we will SELL!!!!

3 More to Go!!

This is the last week of school for Grace and Evan. Evan's last day is tomorrow and we will go to school at 11am for an ice cream party. I'm sad to see this year over for Evan because his teacher is wonderful and so are the assistant teachers! He has learned and grown a lot this year. We have struggled with the decision on where to send him next year and have decided to go to another preschool due to other issues we are having with his school. Grace has her last day on Thursday and I cannot wait. She has had a tumultuous year and I'm glad to see it come to an end. I have tremendous guilt over decisions we made for her this year and I'm just glad to put it behind us and move on. Grace has kindergarten testing on Tuesday night and she is excited to go and see the inside of her new school! Friday Grace will graduate from Pre-Kindergarten and I'm so excited and anxious. The last time there was a "production" at school she wanted no part of it. She seems very excited this time so I hope that things go differently. Debbi and Rob will be coming down and all of the kids are so excited that they get to see them so soon after being with them this past weekend. I so wish we lived closer. It melts my heart to see them with their Grammie and PopPop!

I've been cleaning and organizing all morning trying to put away everything that we took to the mountains. Matt went to Walmart and Home Depot where he spent waaaayyyy too much. He's not allowed to go there alone any more! lol After lunch we're heading to the gym for a much needed work out after not eating so well, and drinking a few too many beers this weekend! :-)

Tonight I'm hoping to once and for all figure out why I cannot upload pictures to my computer from my camera. I haven't been able to do it for a few months and have been putting off trying to figure out the problem but now my memory card is full and I need to clear it before Friday's graduation!

Exhale!

We had a great weekend in the mountains! Grammie and PopPop surprised the kids with a HUGE new swingset that has towers and swings and a slide and a climbing wall! They were beyond excited and so were we!

Matt and I got a lot of time to ourselves at the cabin which was wonderful! We had a lot of time to just talk and relax. We played cards Saturday night and maybe had a few too many to drink but I think the last time we did that was...well...I have no idea when! I got some time alone to relax in silence while Matt was out on the 4 wheeler and it really did me good. I've been struggling with a lot of decisions lately and I had some time to sort them out. I feel like a weight has been lifted!

Now there's just 3 weeks until Matt has TWO WHOLE WEEKS off!!!! I cannot wait!

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

I'm the most sore that I've ever been. I worked out with the trainer yesterday. I hurt in places that I never knew existed. I am at my goal size. I just bought a new pair of jeans in the size that I never thought I would see ever again!! My new goal is to firm everything that I can possibly firm and tone!

Now I'm off to try and clean, organize, pack and then get the kids from school and head out shopping before we leave for the mountains tomorrow!

:-)

Matt's Transformation

I wanted the pictures in a different order but it just wasn't working....So the top one is of him not looking so happy at work at 4:30 am this morning....and the bottom one is before we started at the Y. He has lost almost 50 pounds!!

Diapers.

What diapers? I am still in disbelief that I am close to having two trustworthy potty trained girls on my hands. No diapers, except night time pullups, in 3 weeks. After 5-1/2 years of having kids in diapers we're finally diaper free - I'm just amazed. That is all. :-)

Happy Mother's Day!

6 years ago on Mother's Day is when we told my extended family that we were pregnant with Grace. For some reason that hit me like a ton of bricks today, that seems like so long ago yet just yesterday. Grace is talking about loving Justin Beiber. How did she get so 'grown up' that she likes a 'pop star'??? It's unbelievable at times. I've noticed how more aware of reality she is, the good and the bad. I'm really trying to be the very best Mom that I can be ~ I desperately want to raise 3 confident, self respecting, smart and happy girls. I want to raise a confident, respectful, smart, happy little boy. Lead by example. I hardly slept last night just thinking about how I'm succeeding in some areas of parenting and feeling like a miserable failure in others. Thinking about how I can be a better Mother. We've been very out of our groove as a family since Matt's turn around and getting back to normal has been really tough on everyone. I don't know why this turn around has been more difficult on us, but it has. I'm hoping that a trip to the mountains this coming weekend will be just what we need! Some time away from everything...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Congratulations to my sister, Megan, who ran the Broad Street Run this morning!! 10 miles!!! She's "One Bad Mother Runner"!!!

Dah-ling

"You're gorgeous, oh Mommy you're gorgeous". "Mommy dah-ling you're just gorgeous!"

This is what my two littlest princesses have been saying to me today! So cute!

Well, that and "No way Mommy, No way!!"...

Easter

Easter did a number on my diet. This candy needs to leave the house because I have ZERO will power when it comes to candy! I'm pretty sure I gained a few pounds over the last few days! And I've been lucky to make it to the gym once a week over the past few weeks. I'm really frustrated about that.

Monday

I haven't changed a diaper in 9 days! Yes, there have been a few accidents (times 2) but the girls are well on their way to being completely potty trained! I'm so proud of them, and they're SO proud of themselves! It's so cute to watch them clap and cheer for each other too! Wow am I blessed by these two special little girls! I can't believe that the last "baby" thing is now gone, no more diapers. In a strange way I'm kind of sad just because it like the official sign that my tiny little babies are growing up way too fast.

Leah got very sick last night, 104 fever and vomiting. I worry so much about the kids when they're sick. I hate, just hate putting them to bed with a high fever. I pray that she wakes up feeling much better and that it somehow miraculously skips the other kids.

Matt is on his last night of night shift for this rack and then he's off until Friday day shift. Thank goodness. We're still trying to recover from his turnaround. We are very behind in things with the house so it's almost, almost a blessing that we haven't had a showing. We have been getting hits on the house like crazy so someone is looking at it at least.

Happy Easter!

I want to wish everyone a very blessed and happy Easter! I've kind of dropped off the face of the planet recently and am sad that I haven't been in touch with any friends or any family for that matter. I needed to just regroup in a way I guess. I deleted my Facebook account and so that makes me feel like I've dropped off the face of the Earth since that was my "connection" to the outside world when Matt's working long stretches and I'm home alone with the kids but I needed to. I was getting my feelings hurt by comments made both directly towards me and indirectly and just thought it was silly that I was opening myself up to be upset. I do miss knowing what's happening in my friends lives and we very rarely get to talk in person and pretty much never talk on the phone so it's like I've literally just disappeared.

So I'm sending out the following slightly cryptic messages to some friends...

M.T. - I hope you and your family are having a happy and blessed Easter! I wish we could find some time to get together and talk!

R.U. - I feel like I haven't seen you in FOREVER, we need a Target shopping trip!

R.S. - Not sure what to say other than I miss you!!!

D.M. - I feel like at this rate we won't see each other until after our kids graduate from high school! We need to plan a playdate very soon!!!

Salon

I got to go to the salon yesterday and get my hair dyed. I had tried something new and gotten blonde and red highlights put in it about 8 weeks ago. I liked them when I first got them because the red was super bright and the blonde was a nice shade but within a week they were faded to pink and a brassy blonde. I got them touched up, at no charge, and the same thing happened. So I waited as long as I could and went to have my hair dyed back to my natural color. Well things didn't go so well! My blonde pieces started turning a strange shade of greenish brown and when she changed the color she was using my hair just wouldn't take the color. If she did too much my hair would have just broken right off and I'd be back to a super short cut, which I'm trying to grow out. You can only see a greenish hue in certain lights so it's not so bad I guess. I go back in May to get it done again. I cannot wait until it's over and I will stick to my tried and true box dye. I like myself better as a brunette.

3 days!

Today is the 3rd day of potty training boot camp and we are making progress!! As long as the girls are naked they don't have accidents and they only had one accident when they were just wearing underwear but when they're wearing clothes they forget unless you remind them. Both of them did #2 in the potty today! I haven't changed a diaper in THREE days except for the diaper that they were wearing overnight. No diapers for 3 whole days! I have had 1, 2, or 3 kids in diapers for the last 5-1/2 YEARS. I have changed diapers every single day for the last five and a half years. When the twins were born Evan still wore diapers so we had three kids in diapers! I can't believe that we won't be buying diapers and wipes all of the time any more. That's around a $50 a month savings. It may not be exciting to my fellow blog readers but I am bursting at the seams! :-)

On a totally different topic, I posted earlier about mulching around the big tree on the property line today...well tonight the neighbor whose property backs up to ours was letting her Grandson dig in our mulch. She was walking her pitbull and just watching her Grandson dig in the new mulch. When she was done walking the dog she screamed to her Grandson to "Get the hell in the house" and flicked her cigarette into the mulch. Nice. Um, can we move now?!!

It's on!

The house is officially on the market as of today. It's going out to all of the potential home buyers tonight via the internet. We need all of the prayers that we can get that we get a fast, acceptable offer!

We mulched today and tried to finish making the outside of the house as great as possible. We mulched the garden, big flower box out back and around the big tree at the property line. We've taken a load of furniture and other misc things out of the house today and got rid of them. I am going to have a HUGE load of things to donate to Goodwill/Church at the end of today or tomorrow. If anyone local needs any toys let me know, we may be getting rid of something that you could use!!

I am trying my best to not get my hopes up about selling because, well it's going to be HARD! Especially with some houses that recently went up for sale really close to us, including one foreclosure. We have some houses picked out that we want to look at if we start to get some showings. I am beyond excited to have a big fenced in yard for the kids, a 2 car garage for Matt's tools and my car!! A finished basement so we can have a real playroom instead of our dining room being a playroom! Oh, and a master bath, I'm so looking forward to having a master bath! I'm also looking forward to feeling settled. We feel like since we've been here we're in limbo just waiting to move. I'm looking forward to decorating how we like instead of in neutral colors and things that will appeal to the majority of buyers. I could go on and on!

I am trying to take comfort in believing that everything will happen when it's supposed to happen, and according to His plan. I truly believe that we didn't sell last year because we weren't supposed to. I now know that if we had sold last year that we would probably have made a mistake in the area that we moved to. I just need to try and stay patient!

The three p's

I don't think that I've said "pee, poop, or potty" more times in one day as I have today. I was supposed to be finishing getting the house ready for showings but had a full time job asking about the three p's all day long with Maddie and Leah. They've done rather well. Not excellent but not awful. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and by the end of next week we'll be in business. I can't keep doing what we were doing any longer. They won't leave their clothes on, no matter what I do. Backwards footed pajamas with the feet cut off come right off at night thanks to a second set of little hands to help out. As soon as I leave the room they take their diapers off.

Potty

This weekend is dedicated to potty training. The twins are proving to be MUCH harder than Grace and Evan were. We only have one super short errand to run today and other than that we're staying home and these two munchkins are going to be potty pro's by the end of this weekend! Or at least I'll try....

Oh, and Matt is working Today and tomorrow...maybe he'll be off Monday. Maybe. Sunday marks the start of the 5th week of this shut down.

Nope

Well Matt won't have off until at the earliest Sunday. Seriously, cut us a break. Ok - enough of that.

Grace has school today until 2pm. It's a snow make up day, which I think is silly for a preschool to have a snow make up day but it is what it is. It's messing up our Friday plans but I'm determined to figure out a way to work everything out.

Ending?

Could the turn around be ending? Could it be?? Matt could possibly start 6 (SIX) whole days in a row off starting on Saturday. Oh I'm so afraid to get my hopes up.

Today is our super crazy day ~ school, groceries, home, school, lunch, swim, gym with trainer (LONG run today - oh boy!), home, dinner, shower/baths......and Matt won't see the kids at all today.

Sober

It's really sobering to wake up with a headache so bad that you can hardly move without wincing to remind you that Mom's don't get sick days. And this Mom definitely doesn't get sick days when her husband has worked 23 out of the last 25 days. Both Matt and I are ready to collapse, for different reasons. For him, it's from getting up at 3 am, driving an hour and a half, working a 12 hour + shift, driving an hour and a half home, and doing it all over again with every other night adding that he stops at the gym for about an hour and 15 minutes on his way home. For me, I'm mentally exhausted, being pretty much alone with the kids all day every day has really taken it's toll on my sanity. I have already reserved my special padded room for when he's finally off of this shut down and back on shift again. Speaking of the shut down, Matt has been the upgrade boss during most of the shut down and I'm so proud of him. Yesterday he handled bringing the unit back up to running and did awesome! I'm such a proud wife! ;)

Today is a field trip to a train museum for Grace, and I'm taking Evan with us. To be truthful, I do not want to go, I remember going when I was a kid and it was boring then...I can only imagine how bored the 4 and 5 year olds are going to be and what destruction they can get into...

SIGN!

We officially have the "hot air balloon sign", as the kids call it, in the front garden advertising our house for sale. We haven't signed all of the paperwork yet, I have to go over everything with Matt and then drop it off at our Realtors office. I have to choose a day to officially list the house in the MLS system for it to go out to all of the people searching for houses through other agents. I'm not quite ready for it yet, I have to get the closets cleaned out with winter clothes packed up and replaced with spring/summer things, some furniture removed from the living room/dining room, and the basement cleaned up. I hope to have it done by the end of the week, and for the house to be listed in the system no later than next Monday.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time cleaning and scrubbing the front porch to get the green moss off of it. I also washed off the entire front of the house. Matt power sanded and painted the basement door. I have to get mulch still to mulch the Gardens and around the big tree in the back yard.

The Realtor really wants us to put some money into the back bathroom but I don't know that it's worth it. For there to really be a difference to people, we would need to invest no less than $1,000.

Monday - MONDAY!

Grace was so excited to go to school this morning in flip flops! I painted her toes this morning and then put summer nail decals on them, they're too cute! All of the kids are excited to get outside and play when it warms up a little more this afternoon.

I'm waiting for Matt to get home from taking Grace to school and I have a few errands to run. Grace loves when Matt takes her to school alone. Matt was up and out the door to the gym by 5am this morning. He has lost more weight and is now down 36 pounds!

I want to get out by myself for a little today but all of the kids want to go out and about with me so i'll see if I cave and take them...I'm such a softy.

OFF!!!

Matt has off tomorrow!! The kids and I are so excited!! I'm trying to figure out how to cram the most into one day and still save time for fun in the awesome weather we're supposed to be having tomorrow!

My to do list keeps multiplying by leaps and bounds. Some of the items include -

Repaint the trim in Grace's room

Clean out all of the clothes closets

Remove Storm Windows

Sand the basement door and repaint it

Replace the trim on the basement windows

Wash the front porch

Mulch the garden

Seed for new grass along the side of the house

Go to Home Depot to get an idea of how much it'll cost to re-do some items in the bathroom & put a fence up

Figure out how to fix the entryway wall

Decide if the hutch is staying or going, if staying - then decorate it!

Clean out the basement

Take donations to Goodwill/Church

And the list goes on.....

The kids are in bed now and I just want to sit down and enjoy the peace and quiet but I better get started on that to-do list! :-)

Facebook and Wrong

If you're looking for me on Facebook, I deleted my account.

And I was wrong on the last post...I was paying the rest of the bills last night and we actually spend a few dollars shy of $1200 on gas over the last 30 days. OMFG. It makes me SICK! Just more incentive to get the house as good as it can be and MOVE!!!!! Tomorrow will be filled with painting and trying to keep 8 little hands out of the paint!!!

F*CK THE PRICE OF GAS

With Matt working every day, driving more than 100 miles a day to NJ and back, we spent...ONE THOUSAND and EIGHTY-EIGHT DOLLARS IN GAS OVER THE LAST MONTH. That's $1,088. Granted, that includes the gas that I use also but I don't go very many places. I am literally sick to my stomach. Where's the Pepto?!

Round and Round

I seem to be spinning on a merry-go-round lately that's not so merry. I cannot keep up. I'm adding things to my "plate" left and right. My biggest things going on right now are keeping people in clean clothes, making sure I get to the grocery store, and other "normal everyday things". Now in addition to those I'm taking the kids to swim lessons on Thursdays and it's pure chaos all day Thursday from the moment I wake up at 5:00 ish until I go to bed which is whenever I literally cannot function any more. I am trying to clean and purge anything and everything that we do not NEED. Toys, clothes, you name it, I'm getting rid of it. I'm getting ready to get rid of a few really nice condition toys for 1-1/2 to 2-1/2 ish age range. I know that I shouldn't have a hard time donating them to the Goodwill but I'd much rather see them go to someone I know. I'm thankful that I have a girlfriend who can use some of the kids gently used clothes, some of which have been worn maybe a handful of times. We are meeting with 2 realtors next week to discuss putting the house on the market so I'm back into the stress of cleaning the house for showings, or at least I hope we're going to have showings. I'm not getting listings of houses on the market from anywhere from Oxford to NJ. We're looking in DE as well but I'm not impressed with the schools there unless they're private schools which we cannot afford to send 4 kids to private school. We have GOT to get out of here. The whole area. I just need to be gone from here. Start fresh. Leave everything and everyone behind with the exception of course being our closest friends! I'm going to very much miss having them just across town. Even though we barely get to see each other, I still feel like it's a blessing to have them so close. Speaking of, I miss them!! We really need to get together but she is starting a new job, actually a 2nd job so I'm sure they're even busier than usual!! But I pray for them that it's worth it and everything works out the way that they need!! Back to what's going on with us....I'm struggling with potty training the twins. I wasn't planning on getting serious about it until May when Grace and Evan were done school and I could devote a week of just hanging at home and getting it done then but the twins have a different plan and want to do it now, so here we are! I 'think' Matt is off on Saturday of this week. By law everyone needs to have one day off every 13 days, so since they're only working 2 shifts, people have to take them in rotation and he got chosen for an early day off this time which means that after this day off, he'll be last for having a day off next time, probably after a whole 13 days in a row. But I'm happy none the less! We have to rearrange our house on Saturday and bring in furniture that we had in storage to make our dining room back into a dining room for showings since it's currently a play room. I also need to buy curtains for my bedroom. Much more to say and many things to add to my list of what's going on right now but Leah is starting to wiggle and I think she needs to potty so off we go! Which reminds me I need more M&M's for rewards for going on the potty!

Happy Thursday!

Wait

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."


"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.


"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.


"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."


Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"


He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.


"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.


"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.


"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.


"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.


"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for tee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.


"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

Guns

I took the first picture almost 5 weeks ago and the second picture today. I think I might see a difference in my arms which makes me relieved. I really have been feeling like I haven't been seeing results like I would like for as hard as I feel like I'm working. I've only lost 5 pounds so far.

Wednesday

Whew - what a morning we had. The attitudes in this house have been less than ideal. Actually they've been down right horrible. Cabin fever maybe? We're getting ready to head over to the Y and I simply cannot wait for a few minutes to myself.

I have to break down and buy some new pants but just don't want to spend the money right now. None of my pants fit me except for yoga pants/capris. I bought a new pair of jeans about 6 weeks ago and they don't fit me now either. My body is changing a lot right now and don't want to waste more money buy another pair of jeans that won't fit right in another 6 weeks. But I'm sick of being in black yoga pants all of the time, granted I have 4 pairs of black pants and 2 pairs of black capri pants but it's still a little annoying to wear them every day.

I hope the kids behave in the child care center today. I really need an hour to myself. Matt didn't come home last night until about 7:30 so I was on my own from the moment the kids eyes opened until I put them to bed. Matt didn't see them at all and Evan especially takes that out on me a lot. But that's a whole other post entirely.

I better get moving and over to the Y before the kids kill each other and we end up in the ER instead of the gym.

Yet another silly quiz

Another silly quiz from an old "Five Question Friday" with Mama M. :.

1. If you had $1,000 to donate to a charity, which would you choose? Alzheimer's or Cystic Fibrosis

2. Snow days: Do you welcome them happily or are they a pain in your butt? Welcome

3. What talent did you wish you had and why? I wish I was a talented photographer so the pictures of my kids would look a heck of a lot better!

4. Are you a news, politics or celebrity gossip junkie? News and Politics, but I'll read a "trash" magazine if it's given to me!!!

5. What is your favorite "cocktail"? (Are you a beer person, a kiddie cocktail junkie, or perhaps your more the "Cosmo" kind?! Anything flies...doesn't hafta be alcoholic!) I love one good margarita!

Another Pointless Quiz

his is seriously going to get personal, you ready? sure
If you were caught cheating, would you fess up? I would never cheat
The last time you felt honestly broken? within the last month
Are you craving something? yes, soda!!! But I've given it up!!!
If you could have one thing right now what would it be? I would have my husband off for the weekend
Would you rather have ten kids, or none? hahahaha I guess 10 because I couldn't imagine life without my kiddos!
What do you hear right now? the microwave, the washer, the kids, and the heater just kicked on
Is your bed against more than one of your walls? nope
What’s on your mind right now? TOO much to list!
Are you there for your friends? I **TRY** so hard to be
Last person to see you cry? Matt
What do you do when you get nervous? fidget
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? 24
Does anyone completely understand you? hard question, yes and no...
Do you have a reason to smile right now? ABSOLUTELY!
Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? yes
Would you be happier if life had a rewind button? no
Do you tell your mum or dad everything? LOL nope
How many hours of sleep do you get a night? between 2 and 6
Are you easy to get along with? haha, depends
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No
What was the last drink that you put in your mouth? Ice water
What size bed do you have? King
Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? Before
Do you like the rain? rain showers in the summer, yes. Any other time, no.
Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? yes
Who were you last in the car with, besides family? Rebecca
Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? yes
Do you regret a past relationship? No,I learned something for all of them
Do you care too much about your appearance? nope
Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? yes, workout gear from the Under Armour Outlet
Do you miss anyone? yes
What are you doing tomorrow? grocery shopping, cleaning, running, getting ready for the week.
Is there anyone you want to come see you? yes
Have you ever been cheated on? yes
Do you have siblings? yes, one sister.
Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?yes
How has the past week been for you? emotional
What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping
What is your current mood? stressed and ready for Matt to get up so I can go for a run
Who was the first person you talked to today? Grace
Will this week be a good one? Sure hope so!
Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? yes
Who were you with last night? The kids until 7pm at bedtime, and then I was alone since Matt was working
Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? I texted Matt Goodnight
Next time you will kiss someone? soon

QUIZ!

Who were you with yesterday? Matt, Grace, Evan, Madeline, and Leah.
What woke you up this morning? Evan
Where are you? In my bedroom
Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Absolutely! Have to think positive!
Do you like anybody? I like a lot of people
Ever thrown up in public? Um, yes.
Passed out because of alcohol? Nope.
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW? Too much to list.
What kind of home would you like? At this point any home but this one. HATE IT!
What do you want to be when you grow up? A Mom whose kids don't need to go to therapy.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In a new house with a 10 year old, a 9 year old, and two 7 year olds. SCARY!
Do you like candy necklaces? No
Do you listen to music every day? Yes
What was the last thing you ate? Chicken and brown rice, flavored with balsamic vinegar
Are you a fast typer? Yes, and it drives my hubby nuts to hear my nails on the keys! :)
Whats your favorite type of soda? Coke, but I don't drink soda anymore
Have you ever moved? Yuppers
Have you ever won an award? Yes
Are you listening to music right now? No
How long ’till your birthday? 4 and a half months until I'm THIRTY! Holy crap.
What time is it? 8pm
What do you do when you’re mad? Walk away!
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Punched a hole in a door. (VERY long time ago)
When was the last time you actually cried? This morning.
Do certain songs make you cry? Absolutely
What makes you the happiest? My family of course! I couldn't live without my 5 loves!
Do you believe in yourself? I have my moments where I doubt myself, but for the most part yes

Five Question Friday

It's Five Question Friday! Here we go...

1. Would you rather be on ABC's Extreme Home MakeOver or TLC's What not to Wear?

Definitely Extreme Home Makeover! What not to Wear would be amazing too but I have to be practical and go with the Home Makeover.

2. Do you have any tattoos?

Yes, 1. I have a branch of cherry blossoms that kind of wrap around from my back to hip. I'm probably going to get another one.

3. Do you tell your kids about things you did growing up? Um, no.

4. If the traffic signal turns yellow, do you stop or speed up?

Definitely speed up.

5. What's your preference: chocolate or chips?

That's a tough one. I think that I'd pick chocolate over chips if the chocolate was gourmet chocolate not something like Hershey's. If it was regular chocolate then I would have to go with the chips.

First Day

We just got back from the Y. We took Grace and Evan to their swim lesson and I swam with the twins. After swimming we put the kids in the Childcare and went to meet our personal trainers. Matt loves the guy that he's with, I'm not super fond of the woman I have but I guess I don't have to love her, I just need her to help me workout! We did a fit test - holy crap am I more out of shape than I thought. We interviewed with the Public Relations woman, who was following us around taking pictures of our misery! Ha! We're going to make the most of this 6 months. We go back Tuesday at 1.

What's that smell?

It was nap time for the twins today and we were only going to let them sleep for an hour because they've been having trouble sleeping at night. We put them down for their nap, heard them talking to each other, but not walking around, and then silence. I spent the entire hour in the kitchen and laundry room cleaning and doing laundry. When I went around the corner to go up the stairs to get them up from their nap I smelled it. It was strong. I knew. I knew what had happened. I opened the door slowly and saw Leah sleeping with her pants around her ankles and poo smeared everywhere. Her legs were brown swirls of smeared poo. Her hands had dry crusted poo all over them and part way up her forearms. There was a small amount of poo on the tip of her nose. It was all over the bed, the sheets and blankets. There was even some on her pillow.

Someone should have warned me about stuff like this before I had kids...

Where did my babies go?

When did my two little peanuts grow into such big girls??!!!


It truly feels like just yesterday I was waddling around with a belly bigger than I ever thought I would have. And now I have two walking, talking, giggling, sometimes fighting 26 month old beautiful girls!!! I do miss feeling them in my belly. 4 arms and 4 legs constantly moving and squirming was an amazing, sometimes painful, feeling! And the hiccups were unforgettable when they both had them at the same time! Sometimes I still can't believe that Matt and I were lucky enough to be blessed with twins!

Where I've Been

I haven't been blogging here very much. I've been blogging at a private blog that no one knows about until now. It's set to private and I have to approve anyone who wants to read it. If you'd like to read it email me or leave me a comment and I'll give you the link. It's on WordPress and I believe you have to set up an account to be able to read it. I'm not sure I'm going to approve any family since it just seems to be an accident waiting to happen, and one of the reasons that I've stopped blogging publicly on here. I am still going to post about the kids here and post pictures of them here also.

:)