Tuesday, September 20, 2011


The time has come and this is our last night in this house. I'm relieved, excited, scared, and angry all at the same time. I'm relieved that this chapter of our life is over. We have hated living here for so long that the thought of not coming back here brings me such relief! We are excited about finding a house we will love coming home to and that will have the room, inside and out, that we need! I'm scared and angry because we don't have a house under contract yet and I thought it would be easier than it has been. We've bid on 3 houses and have had something go wrong on each. I'm not looking forward to staying with my parents for a few weeks while we figure out what to do, find a house to buy or rent something until "our" house comes along. I know my parents aren't looking forward to it either but have been gracious enough to let us stay there for a bit.

I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself, I've literally packed the entire house by myself! Matt has been on a shut down and has been on night shift this entire month except for the 14th so things have been wicked tough in the Brown house lately. He's been getting up early to go to see a few houses with me, the other times my Dad has gone with me for a second set of eyes. Mom has watched the kids on a few occasions while we did that or while we made trips to the storage unit with Dad's trailer. I couldn't have done this without them! I'm so proud of Matt too! He has been away from his family for about 16 hours a day for the whole month and has been pulled in 1,000 different directions and hasn't complained too much! This is his first shut down where he was a boss and the stress of that was different for him but he is doing amazing!

We go to settlement on Friday morning and we didn't want to go so we tried to sign the papers early with a notary but something messed things up and we have to go Friday. I didn't want to go because it's uncomfortable to be selling a house we hate to someone we went to high school with. I graduated with the husband and his wife was a grade or two behind us so it's just really strange.

I don't think there has been another time in my life where I've felt as out of control as I do now. Everything is chaotic and I've been screwing up some major things that I normally wouldn't. I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night, have had the house a mess with no time to organize important papers. I can't focus on anything. I'm so scattered it's crazy. I hope I get my act together more after Friday when this chapter is closed and I can just concentrate on the kids and finding them a new house. I get so upset when I think about how often they've wanted to go outside to play and I wouldn't let them because of the "activities" and people that were around. We would have to go to the park or my parents for them to really play. I cannot wait to give them a big back yard to run crazy in and a place for them to ride their bikes and just be kids.

I apologize that this post has been so all over the place but as I said, I can't focus on anything!