Monday, March 16, 2009

Cut out?

Am I really cut out for this parenting thing? Seriously. I am a horrible Mother today, or at least I feel that way. I totally lost it with Grace. Yelling. Loudly. Then proceeding to snatch her up, stomp up the stairs with her under my arm and put her in the room slamming her door shut behind me. I yell sometimes, all parents do. And if you say that you don't, I would swear you were lying. I yell, but not like this. I could blame it on any number of things, lack of sleep, no breaks since Matt has been gone for what feels like forever, anything really but I won't. It's my fault and I feel horrible. I have a knot in my stomach. I can't even explain right now about Grace because I'm still so incredibly upset about it. I'm only blogging about it because I need an outlet. And being here with a three year old, a not quite 2 year old and two 4 month olds who just had shots is just not doing anything for me. I'm even hesitant about posting this because I don't want people thinking I'm an awful parent but I'm not one for sugar-coating. This is what's happening in my world, the good and the bad. Today has just been bad. Really bad.


Erin said...

Oh Lindsay. You are not a bad parent. Seriously, I think if I wasin your shoes I'd be stomping up those steps a lot more often. Hang in there. I hope they give you a little bit of a break soon so you can relax for a minute.

Clergywomen said...

Hello! I stopped in to tell you to remember your children are still developing. Anger begets anger and escalates. When it is over with you, your children will remember and it will grow in them. But here's what I want to tell you. When they are older, it is you who will really regret those days you lost your temper with them and guilt will eat you up. I remind my own daughters about that. I have cried alone when those memories began to flood my mind now that they are grown.

I know you love your children. I love mine. Children are tender souls to care for. Please be gentle even when correcting. Use every chance you have to cement your relationship.

I can tell you this. Before you know it, they will be grown, graduated, and gone. I will remember you all in my prayers. Not to make you feel guilty. No. But to pray better days for you and your children and family, as you are growing together.

I know you won't regret it. But, if you hurt your children in even the smallest way, you're the one who will never ever forget it. But God forgives and gives peace.

God bless you and thank you for being honest about your feelings. Much peace.