Frustrated and defeated.

I am beyond angry right now. (Here comes another blog full of me bitching!) Matt has 'turn-arounds' every now and then at work. They are times when his entire unit shuts down for an overhaul. They work a ton of days in a row with no breaks. He just found out tonight that his next one starts March 13th and is "supposed" to end the 29th. They usually alternate day shift and night shift every other turn around. Well he was on nights for the last one so we thought he would be on days for this one. Nope. He's on night shift for what will end up being 21 nights in a row with NO days off in between. He will work from the 10th until the 31st of March, since he needs to work is regular shifts on the 10th -12th and the 30th and 31st. I am literally crying. Evenings around here are just chaos. I have the babies screaming since they're fussy and tired. Then Grace and Evan need dinner and baths and stories. I can't put the babies to bed before the big kids because the babies are STILL in our room and G and E make too much noise so I have the twins screaming for me while G and E want me to play with them. I try my best to set up as much as possible ahead of time but it doesn't help much. I just really want to throw up. He's getting screwed out of his week off every month that is really the ONLY thing that has been keeping me sane lately. I won't see my husband for 21 days. The kids won't really see their Daddy for 21 days. He sleeps all day and gets up, takes a shower, visits with the kids for about an hour maybe then leaves for work. I can't do this. I can't be here alone for 3 freaking weeks alone. I just can't.