Stable

I'm slightly more emotionally stable now than I was last night. I know that things could be worse, Matt could have no job or a job that didn't pay well enough for me to be at home with the kids. I know that. I appreciate his job. I really do. I am grateful for how much HE sacrifices for us as a family. I really think most of this boils down to sleep. Or lack there of. If I had more sleep things would seem a lot sunnier. The girls were sleeping fairly well to the point that I didn't feel like a zombie but they're shifting again to sleeping for an hour here and an hour there. I think it's because they're in my room still. They're old enough now to be woken up by me/us moving, snoring or just making little noises. The new room is moving along finally but not fast enough. If I hadn't been on bed rest for all of those weeks it would be done by now but we do have 2 healthy babies and that's what counts. I know his brother works for the same company and his unit shuts down for a turn around soon after Matt's turn around -- and Chris' is supposed to be something like 50 days. That sucks. Bad. I feel bad for Hannah because Chris will be exhausted and if he's on nights then she will never see him since she works during the day. So in that regard I do feel somewhat lucky.

Like I said in the beginning of this post, I feel like sleep is the magic answer to 'some' of my issues! And I thought I was sleep deprived at times in college - not even close.

I went shopping with the kids this morning and came back exhausted. I went to Old Navy and actually went into a dressing room and tried clothes on. It wasn't pretty but I figured that the one pair of pants I have just aren't cutting it anymore. I ended up with jeans for $19, a cardigan and a cami. Matt said that it looks cute on me...but it's his job to say that. I've lost another 6 lbs but still have a way to go - twenty something pounds left.

I've stumbled across some other Mom blogs that have twins and an older child/children and they've really been helping me hold on to my sanity. One that I have been reading, http://3underthree.blogspot.com/ has so much in it that echoes my life very closely. Granted Heather has one less child than I do but she very much goes through the same things as I do since her daughter is close in age to her twins. I really feel like no one I know can begin to identify with my life. Just the sheer shock of going from two kids to four is enough to make any one's head spin. I want to try to get together IRL with some other Mom's of twins plus an older child but the Mother's of Multiples organizations around me don't meet when I'm able to attend. They usually meet at 7pm, the kids bedtime and Matt isn't around usually to watch them while I go alone.
This blog post will have to be finished later - Maddie just had a blow out in her brand spankin' new outfit. It's white. Poop is brown/green/yellowish. Not good people, not good.

Frustrated and defeated.

I am beyond angry right now. (Here comes another blog full of me bitching!) Matt has 'turn-arounds' every now and then at work. They are times when his entire unit shuts down for an overhaul. They work a ton of days in a row with no breaks. He just found out tonight that his next one starts March 13th and is "supposed" to end the 29th. They usually alternate day shift and night shift every other turn around. Well he was on nights for the last one so we thought he would be on days for this one. Nope. He's on night shift for what will end up being 21 nights in a row with NO days off in between. He will work from the 10th until the 31st of March, since he needs to work is regular shifts on the 10th -12th and the 30th and 31st. I am literally crying. Evenings around here are just chaos. I have the babies screaming since they're fussy and tired. Then Grace and Evan need dinner and baths and stories. I can't put the babies to bed before the big kids because the babies are STILL in our room and G and E make too much noise so I have the twins screaming for me while G and E want me to play with them. I try my best to set up as much as possible ahead of time but it doesn't help much. I just really want to throw up. He's getting screwed out of his week off every month that is really the ONLY thing that has been keeping me sane lately. I won't see my husband for 21 days. The kids won't really see their Daddy for 21 days. He sleeps all day and gets up, takes a shower, visits with the kids for about an hour maybe then leaves for work. I can't do this. I can't be here alone for 3 freaking weeks alone. I just can't.

Pictures

Here are some recent pictures...the first one is of me with all my girls!! I have virtually NO pictures with me in them and then I finally get one and it's one with me having a HORRIBLE hair day! lol The second picture is supposed to be of the girls doing tummy time but the just keep rolling over so tummy time turned into "roll over as fast as possible" time! The last one is of all the kids...We can never get them all to look and smile at the same time! Evan kind of looks a little funny since he's saying "cheese" and I think we caught him in the "eese" portion of that.

Update

I took the kids to the doctor, oh what a joy that always is....and after almost an hour and a half we were finished and on our way. Grace weighs 33lbs now and Evan weighs 30lbs. Both are healthy and Evan goes back at age 3, Grace back at age 4. The twins are due back in a little over 2 weeks from now.

Few days

It's been a few days since I've posted because we've been really busy lately. Nothing too interesting though! We had a family party to go to on Saturday and I was beyond frazzled that day since I'd had NO sleep the night before and went alone since Matt was home installing the electric in the twins room. I had zero patience for Grace's antics. And the family party in and of itself was just the usual. It seemed as if no one wanted to be there and was annoyed because their Saturday was being interrupted. I really go and make an effort to go because it makes my Grandmother SO happy to have the whole family together.

The electric is now finished and we just have to buy light fixtures and baseboard heaters. I still need to to figure out what color to paint the walls and what color carpet we want to install. I just want neutrals since hopefully the house will be on the market in the not too distant future. But who knows.

I found a few new blogs that I've been reading lately about other Mom's with twins who also have older children. It makes me feel so much more 'sane' reading how similar our experiences are. Sometimes I just feel like there is NO ONE who understands. I also sometimes feel like such a freak when I tell people who old our kids are and they just look at me like, "Don't you know what birth control is?!"...I always feel the need to tell them that they were all PLANNED! Well---we didn't plan on having twins but we did plan having another child close in age to our other two. I'll have to add the other blog links to this page.

Today didn't exactly go as planned - we were planning on working upstairs on the twins room but now that's not happening for reasons I won't go into. I'm going to go to Target and the outlets as soon as Ev wakes up from his nap and then it'll be time for dinner and bed so this day is pretty much shot.

(I'm sorry this blog is so random...I've had very little sleep these last two nights!)

I did go and get my tattoo on Friday. It was more painful than I thought it would be at certain times! It hurt on my ribs and my hip bone! Almost five hours later it was finished and I left there, got in my car and cried. I saw it finished and three dimensional from all of the swelling and just cried. But now that it looks normal and doesn't hurt so much I like it. I'm trying to keep it from getting scabs but it's hard just because of the location. I haven't worn anything but lounge pants since Friday, I feel like such a bum! I still can't believe I actually did it, especially since I really never ever thought I would get one and never really wanted one until recently. I'll post pictures of it at some point after it is healed maybe. I'm not really into showing it off though. We will see.

In other news, the kids are all good. The babies are still eating like piggies - drinking about 6 oz at some feedings and all of the sudden having no rhyme or reason to their feeding schedule. They are holding toys and starting to pick up everything they can and put it in their mouths! I can't believe how big they are. We take Grace and Ev to the doctor tomorrow for much overdue checkups - Mommy of the year award to me!

Well - I have more random news but both babies are fussing even the one strapped to my chest as I try to type this!

Not happening

Today just went south before it really even got started. Leah had a poop explosion that ruined her pj's at about 4:45am this morning and the whole day pretty much followed suit. The babies have exploded on more outfits than I can count. I'm chalking that up to the fact that they're 'finally' getting more breast milk and less formula therefore the poo is changing too. TMI, I know. So if I wasn't feeding, changing diapers, cleaning bottle, washing poop covered outfits, playing with G and E, or making them food or snacks...I was trying to find time to shove something semi-healthy down my throat. I'm so ready for Matt to be home to help...only another 2 hours.

Time to get Sauced!

The girls had their first Excer-saucer experience yesterday and both loved it! Maddie was a little more excited in the picture than Leah! They were in them again today and loved it just as much! (Maddie is on the left and Leah on the right)

I signed Grace up for Preschool today and it was so bittersweet! I think she is just going to loved every second of it but I'm still a little in shock that my baby is going to be going to any type of school!! Wow - time flies when you're having fun!

Reminding Myself....

This is my reminder to myself of just how big I was before I had the twins...This was about 2-3 weeks before I delivered. I'm just so down on myself about how much I want to change my body still. I'm trying to be realistic, it's just soooo hard.

Monday, one day down, three to go....

Maddie is in the first picture, listening and smiling intently to what Grace is saying!

Leah is on the left, Maddie on the right in the next two pictures...everyone is getting so big!

Today was a pretty good day. I gave the girls baths in the morning and did a little cleaning and some of the taxes. Then we had a play date with Molly, Em and Colin. It went pretty well...I always love talking to Molly but Grace was really clingy and bad this afternoon. She was talking back and didn't really want to interact with Emily. She was in to playing with Colin, but then again all Grace seems to want to do is be a "Mommy". The babies are pretty fussy right now but that's normal. I'm trying to rearrange their feeding schedule but it doesn't seem to be working too well. They're back to wanting to eat every 3 hours. They're drinking about 4-6 ounces every 3 hours yesterday and today. I feel like I'm constantly feeding, burping and changing their diapers just in time for the next feeding. I don't know what the deal is. Growth spurt maybe. Or, one of my favorite phrases as a parent, "Just a phase". I won't go there. :)

I can't wait for this week to be over, Matt starts his week off on Friday! I'm so excited for a break, but then again he's also thinking about taking some overtime so maybe it won't be a week off after all. And of course the overtime is night shift. :(

On Wednesday I am going to stand in line for an hour, literally, in hopes to secure Grace a spot in preschool on the days/times that we want. It's a very difficult preschool to get into apparently so I have to get there an hour before registration begins and wait in line in the freezing starting at 8am. Ug. I am also trying to sign her up for ballet lessons on Saturday. I wish I could get her into gymnastics or tumbling but they don't have any classes for her age group. I just hope that it's not all filled.

I better stop writing and get to cleaning and making dinner before Matt gets home and there's nothing to eat! lol

Simply cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the house we rented for vacation this year...I cannot wait! I keep daydreaming about how much fun the kids are going to have with the private pool and beach just steps away!! There's a hot tub for the adults after the kiddos are in bed! I am so excited!!!!!!!! The countdown can't go fast enough!

I am just so excited for the summer! The big kids are going to have a blast this summer playing in the sandbox and pool in the yard! We're going to finally put the fence up as soon as the ground thaws so I won't have to worry about the kids running off! lol

Pictures

The first picture is of Grace holding her money from Grandma for Valentines Day, she was so excited!!! The next one is of Grams holding Maddie and Leah, I love my Grams sooo much! The last one is of Evan with his shades on!! He put them on and said, "Cool Daddy"!! Too cute!

Sickos

Everyone in the house is sick. Grace and Evan are just about over it now, Matt had to call in sick to work because of being dizzy and having a fever. Matt ended up at the doctor last night. He has a sinus infection. The babies seem to be doing ok, they just seem to have a runny nose. As for me, I woke up with a fever, but there's never time to rest when you're the Mommy so Matt is still in bed and I've been up since 5am. The babies aren't sleeping well at night because of their stuffy heads. I hate it when the kids are sick. It makes me feel so bad that I can't just make them feel all better. Well -- enough of that...

Yesterday was wonderful!!! We went for two walks and the kids loved it!! The fresh air was so nice. I even opened the windows for a little while just to get some of the stale air out of here and some clean-non germy air in! I cannot wait for Spring! I wanted to get the kids to the park yesterday but it just didn't happen. Hopefully we'll get another mild day soon and we can go. I looove my new stroller!! I've taken it on 3 walks so far and it's just perfect! We get some stares because no one has a stroller like it but I don't care, it gets us out of the house all together! As for today, the wind is unreal! Yesterday really made me 'hungry' for vacation this year! I think we're going to have a blast!!

Matt gets his bonus Friday and it wasn't as big as last year since the economy sucks but at least it's something! It will help tremendously with the remaining hospital bills. I also have to go shopping to get Maddie and Leah some 6 months size clothes since they're growing out of everything I have! I think I'm just going to go to Carters and hope for some clearance stuff remaining. I am placing an order with Old Navy since they're having their Baby Sale.

Well--I better take advantage of Maddie and Leah napping and go take a shower!

Fatty McFatterson

I've never really struggled with my weight...until now. Through my pregnancies with Grace and Evan I gained the recommended amount of weight and managed to shed it withing 5 months both time. Granted, my body weight was the same but my body shape had changed. This time, the twins pregnancies destroyed my body. I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels trying to get rid of it. The twins will be 3 months old at the end of next week and I still have sooo much to lose. I don't even know how much exactly because I've stopped getting on the scale. I refused in the beginning to go by clothes to fit me because I thought I wouldn't need them very long. I guess I might have to break down and spend money we don't have so I can have more than one pair of pants and two shirts since I'm constantly being slobbered on, snotted on or otherwise spit-up on. I just feel so rotten about myself. I'm trying and just getting no where. Now that said, I'm having a hard time finding time to exercise. I do a little here and a little there only fitting in an actual workout two days a week probably. But I'm dieting. I guess I might actually have to breakdown and spend more money I don't have and join weight watchers. It's helping my sister, she has lost weight and looks great. I just thought maybe I didn't need to do it. I guess I do. I feel like such a porker. Ug. There--my bitching is done.

Sleep, Where Have You Been All My Life...

Last night was even better with Maddie and Leah!!!!!!! I could literally shout from rooftops here people! I have been so sleep deprived, one night in the beginning actually getting about an hour total in about 5 minute intervals!! Last night they slept from 8:30 until 2am, ate and went right back to sleep and then were up again at 6:30am. I am elated! I cannot begin to tell you just how human I feel right now. I wish and hope and pray this continues! I have so much more energy and patience!!! The patience that I desperately need right now due to Lil' Miss Attitude and her "I'm-almost-2-watch-out-for-MY-attitude" little brother!

I have to cut this short, It's lunch time for all and they're making it known!

Sleeeeep

For the last two nights Maddie and Leah have only been up twice - and woke up together! They went to sleep at 8:30pm and were up at 12am and 4am! Victory for me! I'm elated that there just might be an end in sight to severe sleep deprivation and all that accompanies it! I hope I hope I hope it just keeps getting better. I try to keep reminding myself that the girls aren't even 3 months old yet, and were a little "premature" so they may need longer to achieve milestones like sleeping through the night because they can't go that long without food. Each time they woke up, ate an entire bottle and went right back to sleep! Sweet success!

Matt is back to work after being off since Tuesday morning. He works today, Saturday and Sunday day shift, has off on Monday and then works Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night, and then off next weekend. I hate this rack of work days. It seems like every month we're just counting the days until is week off that month. It's worth it though.

I am going to try to get together with my sister and niece this weekend for a short visit at her house. Grace loves playing with Ellie and it's supposed to be nice outside so maybe the big kids can all go to the park for a little bit. We'll see.

Today is all about cleaning and playing with the kids. Both Maddie and Leah are rolling over now so tummy time seems like a thing of the past, as soon as they go on their belly it's right over on their backs. But they are grabbing at things and starting to hold toys in their hands so we have other things to do.

On a much different note, Matt's Grandmother found out yesterday she has cancer most likely. They did a biopsy and all signs point to cancer. They are going to take a section of the mass out on Monday and find out just what it is. It's so scary. I'm trying not to think about it until Thursday when the results come in. One day at a time.

Wordless Wednesday

ok here goes

So much has been happening here, the babies are getting so big! They are reaching for things and 'talking' up a storm! I love it!! I am excited for the next few months when they really start coming into their own and can play in the jumperoo and excersaucer. On the other hand I'm trying to not wish away their babyhood since I won't ever have another squishy little newborn in my arms. Speaking of, we made the decision final once and for all that we will not have any more kids. I had a really hard time with it and I was surprised by it. Not because I thought I wanted any more children, just the finality of it I guess. Believe me, our family feels very full and complete! Moving on...Matt and I have started talking in depth again about selling our house and I think we may want to try to put it on the market in the spring. The housing market stinks right now but we won't know until we try. The commute is really starting to get to all of us. For Matt obviously it's the fact that his already 12 hour work days are increased by about 3 hours roundtrip and he has to wake up at 3am for dayshift. For myself and the kids, it's that on days that he's working, he has NO time for anything else and the kids and I miss him. So we're again thinking about renting something for a year in Jersey just to "test" it out. I'm not so sure I'm going to like living there but we feel like we should at least give it a chance. The other option is somewhere near where my sister lives since that is within 15-20 miles of the refinery, but the roads he would have to take to get to work are major traffic jam roads...we just don't know. And I hate it that we still can't come up with a definitive decision about what to do. I like to have a plan and right now we just feel like we're in limbo.

As for the big kids, they are so bored it's unreal. I try to think of creative things to do to break up the monotony of being home all the time but I'm pretty much out of ideas. Yesterday we made castle cakes and decorated them gingerbread house style. That was fun. We did foam art the other day and lots of construction paper things that I cut out at night after the kids are in bed and they get to glue together. I just can't think of anything "new" to do. I guess a little Internet research is in order, as if I have time for that...I barely have time to blog!!

I'm hoping to get together with TJ and Molly soon. We barely see them, everyone is just so busy all the time, and Matt works 2 weekends a month so that really narrows it down.

Breastfeeding is going horribly. It's getting harder instead of easier. The babies no longer want to tandem nurse so it's taking up sooo much time during the day trying to complete a feeding doing it one at a time. I'm still taking reglan to try to increase my milk supply but think that I'm constantly dehydrated so that's not helping. And a side effect of reglan is that it makes you hungry!!! I don't need that!!!!! I'm still hanging on though nursing when I can and pumping when I can so I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I really think that if the babies didn't need to go into the hospital right after they were born this would have been much easier. The formula in the beginning that we had to give them, according to the doctors, is what really messed us up and we haven't recovered.

Last night the girls woke up together for every feeding so that helped a lot!!! Hopefully good sleeping is on the horizon!!