Just have to

I know that I shouldn't even approach this subject but I just can't help it...I know that someone might feel as though this is talking about them but in all honesty, the person who really inspired this blog i'm not sure even knows how to use a computer.

I just have to talk about relationships. It seems like all of the relationships around me are falling apart at a rapid pace. Is it our age or is it just how things are now? Are Matt and I really that strange? We have a wonderful marriage. I really love him. I love him more than I did the day we got married. I miss him when he's not here. I look up to him when I see how amazing he is with the kids. He takes care of me when i'm sick. I would go to the ends of the earth for him, do anything for him. We have our arguements. And they usually last a whole 5 minutes. What is so important that you can't talk it out with someone you pledged to love for better or worse? How do you just simply 'fall out of love' with someone? The simple answer is you don't IF you truely loved them in the first place. I'm not talking loved like a friend, i'm talking the all encompassing, whole body, love until it hurts, unconditional love. I cannot imagine happily living my life without Matt in it. He's in every thought and future daydream that I have. Sitting at the kids sporting events together, teaching the kids how to drive, putting the kids on the bus for their first day of kindergarten, walking Grace down the aisle when she gets married(at age 40). Is it luck that we found each other again after not talking very much to each other for those few years after high school? Maybe. But I also think that it has something to do with the fact that we both got to live independent lives for a little while before we got together. Matt did his, what i call, "alcoholic" phase and went to the bars all the time and bought way too many "toys", and hung out with the guys all the time. I did the college thing and the drinking thing and living in AZ thing. We knew what it was like to be independent and do our own thing. I guess I may have lost my point in this....I just don't understand how you can walk away from someone that you pledged your love to with, what seems like, not even a second thought.

Mountain

Matt wants to go to the mountains this weekend. I'm unsure. I want to, i'm just scared to I guess. I need my sleep right now and i'm scared that the kids won't sleep b/c we're in a strange place. We would be staying in the cabin alone. He wants to leave Friday at lunch and come home Sunday. I guess i'll probably give in and go unless i'm feeling REALLY rotten.

Chris got the job at Valero with Matt and starts the day after Memorial Day. I hope Chris understands how huge this job is. The pay and benefits are amazing. I don't know of many companies that still pay for all of their employees and employees families' healthcare. I think we paid about 400 dollars last year total for health insurance, life insurance, dental and vision. It's unreal. Yea, the hours and schedule can really suck, like this year Matt works day works on Thanksgiving AND Christmas Day but you really can't have it all I guess. We'll make it work. We're excited for him. I think he'll really like it. Chris and Matt seem to have the same interests and Matt still really likes his job.

Waste

I hate the amount of food that we waste in this house. It's mostly Grace. She doesn't eat, EVER. It's insanely frustrating. I dread every meal with her b/c it's such a battle to get her to eat. I have stopped trying to force her to eat and now she just doesn't. But then she's up in the middle of the night complaining that she's hungry. I haven't slept throught the night in weeks. It's awful. Evan will eat everything in sight if you let him. He weighs more than she does not by about a pound. Right now i'mjust trying to make it until nap time.

Sensor this!

We're just spending like we've got it lately on Matt's Jeep to get it fixed. Today alone we've already spent $60 for a diagnostic test at the garage and now $90 bucks at Napa for the part that we *hope* works. Ug. We're up around $600 bucks and still don't know if it's completely fixed. We have to do it. If we don't we can't even sell it for much of anything. The good thing that i'm pretty proud of is that if this happened a year ago, we would probably be putting some or all of this money on the credit card but alas, we're not!! So i'm pretty proud of that. We should have our fence permit FINALLY today. I hope it's nice on Matt's week off starting May 16th so he can get started on it. I would say that "we" would get started, but let's be honest, i'm not doing much of anything to help except keeping the kids occupied. I can't wait until it's finished. Then it's on to the attic, we're NOT getting a permit for that. We're just putting blankets on the windows and going to town.
We stopped yesterday and look at minivans again. I'm just not sure if we're going to buy new or used. There's such great deals on new right now it may not pay to buy used. I saw a Town and Country van that I really liked, but I think it's a little too much. We will have to go and talk to someone about it. I HATE buying a car. We're going to wait until after we hear the baby's hearbeats again and then go find something. I can't wait!!!!! 16 more days until my next appt.

It's broken....we have to fix it...

Matt's Jeep took a crap. It hasn't been running since Wednesday. It's now Saturday night and i'm still without a vehicle since Matt's working. He works Sunday, has off on Monday and then works Tues, Wed, and Thurs night. I am going stir crazy!! The kids and I can't wait to get out of this house! So we've spent $465 on parts so far and still not fixed. We just need to get it running ok and then we're going to sell it. It served us well but it's time for him to drive the truck full time and me to get a minivan I guess. We don't want 2 car payments but don't see another option. The truck gets the same gas mileage as the Jeep believe it or not so there's no change there. We would like to trade the truck in but it's just not possible. It will be a year old in July so if we did that we would take a major, major, major hit that's just not worth it --we explored every option, and we have to keep the truck. Who saw this twin thing coming?! Not us! lol....So it looks like we might be car shopping on Monday, his one day off. I still don't know what to do. We were thinking about a used car but with the interest rates on financing, and the fact that we only want a 2 year old van if we bought used, it just doesn't seem to pay. They have 0% and 1.9% financing on minivans this month for a few different makers so we'll see how little of a payment we can get. I just want to move out of this house soon and another car payment PLUS two more babies is going to make that even harder! Looks like Matt has some OT coming his way....uggg..I hope I feel better soon and can start cleaning this house. I am so scared to be put on bedrest and have to have people everywhere in my house and have it be dirty. We have so much to do before November when the babies are born....clean, redo attic, put up fence, find more sanity and patience!!! I could go on and on...I'll spare you.