Down the pooper and Back out again.

Today seemed to go right down pooper. From fighting children, to cranky teething toddlers, to getting a hospital bill from 17 months ago for $3,336.20, to not being able to find a hotel at the beach that will accommodate my gaggle of kids for a reasonable price, to having Madeline run into the neighbors yard in bare feet and step in a huge pile of dog poo - again, to not getting an offer from the people who came to see the house TWICE....I just feel like I'm suffocating under a mounting pile of poo sometimes. There - bitching complete.

Now, the up-side to my day...4 smiling, laughing cuties playing outside in the glorious sunshine (despite the dog poo incident), A new magazine for me in the mail!, fitting in to shorts that I wore the summer after I had Grace ~ so 3 kids later including a set of twins and back into the same size isn't too shabby, trying on a bikini and being pleased with my shape (not to say that I would ever, ever, ever wear it in public because no amount of exercise will cure the "twin skin" issue).

Looking forward to Matt coming home and all of the kiddos going to bed! ;)

Big Time

How do you go about making a big, huge, important decision? Matt and I have a decision to make and we're both still riding down the middle on it. There are definite pros and cons and risks galore on both sides...the worst part is that there is a time limit on the decision...we have to make it by the end of the day today...

Hilly

I've been having a rough couple of weeks. Things have been so up and down, more so than usual. I've been thinking a lot about how I got to where I am in my life. How did I end up marrying one of my best friends from high school? How did we end up working together and now having him work over an hour away in another state? How did we decide to buy this house? How did we know that this is what we needed to make it through to where we are now? How did I get 4 amazing, healthy kids? How did I get to be so independent? 6 years ago, I could never do the things that I do now. I am so much more sure of myself. I can be a better wife and mother. I am able to be a better friend, and realize that I have true friends who I can trust and love like family. I'm really starting to see that it's all part of God's plan. I feel myself being pulled to church and building a stronger relationship with God. The only thing stopping me is the fear of stepping foot into a new church and getting all of the kids comfortable in the 'nursery'. Matt is only off 2 Sunday's a month so half of the time it would just be the kids and I. I know that after the first time things will be much easier but that first time just still scares me!

Not Me Monday!

There is no way that I just heard a Grandmother screaming in the face of a child who cannot be older than 2...I definitely would not have heard her say, "You are a f*cking pain in my as*, I'll get you a f*cking drink as soon as I f*cking feel like it. You just need to get the f*ck out of my face you little sh*t." I wouldn't have gotten a horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and had to use all the restraint that I had to not go over to her and scream at her, or pick up that little girl and take her home with me and call the police.

Grace wouldn't have had an hour long tantrum tonight about nothing and then turn it off like a switch. That would never happen to me.

We wouldn't have had an open house on Sunday and had not one person show up except our nosey neighbors.

Explode

I'm ready to explode. I can't take much more without a break. A real break. A whole day and or night without kids. And a whole day or night with just my husband. I know how hard it is to juggle 4 kids. I know how stressful it is. I hate, hate, hate to ask for help. I hate to ask someone else to take on the stress but I've reached and exceeded my breaking point. I deserve a break. Matt deserves a break. We deserve some time together to just be us. To enjoy each other. To talk without a child interrupting. To eat a meal without cutting up someone else's food. To lay around and watch a movie. To just be Matt and Lindsay, not Mommy and Daddy.

Self-Portrait

I was reading another "Mommy blog" and they were doing a 'self-portrait' challenge so here's mine. I took this about 2 nights ago. Everyone was doing self portraits because 99% of the time Mom's aren't in pictures because we're the ones taking them! Of course I took the picture at 9pm after a long day, am totally exhausted and with no makeup...a lot of the other Mom's got all done up...not me! ;)