Oh, shit.

I yelled today. A lot.

I feel awful about it. I'm beyond stressed and am taking it out on the kids. I had such a horrible day. I'm hoping that after the kids are in bed that I can curl up and cry away some of the stress. The only way that I'm making it through the day is that I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

Between the selling/buying a house thing, Matt on nights plus working overtime making him only home for a day and a half over a ten day span, on top of the normal everyday stresses - It's taking it's toll.

I'm so tired of having to repeat myself 1000 times before someone responds to me or even acknowledges that I exist. The fighting, oh the fighting - that's a whole other blog entirely. The attitudes were things I seriously never thought would happen to kids until at least the age of 10. Wow, I was w-r-o-n-g. Madeline and Leah have even started to join in screaming when they don't get their way or a toy is taken from them.
I'm tired of doing something just to have it undone not even a minute later. (I know, that's what kids do but it still gets old.
I'm sick over fighting about meals. Just eat or don't eat.
I must repeat this saying a million times every day...

You get what you get and you don't get upset.

Maybe I just have to keep telling myself that.

Now what?

We thought we had it all figured out. And now we don't. We're back to square one with selling our house. We're struggling with really, really wanting to move since we pretty much hate the location of our house and all of the people around us. They're just all 'trash' with very few exceptions. We can get approved for a mortgage so that's not the problem...the problem is this ~ When we look at houses we like versus houses we love, we find that the houses we love are slightly over what we want to spend right now. It would make us literally house poor. So do we wait another year (GROAN) so we have more of a down payment to get the house we love but risk the interest rates going up and the price of homes going up to the point where we're not really getting anything more than we can comfortably purchase right now? We never want to move again after we leave this house. So what we purchase will be our forever house (hopefully). I'm just so confused. I don't want to rush into anything and make a mistake and I'm trying to not let my hatred for this house sway my judgement. So what to do....That is the question.

Hair-Don't

I don't know what to do with Madeline and Leah's hair. It all comes forward from way back on their head and constantly looks pretty terrible. I can put pigtails in but they tend to just stick straight up and look rather silly. Anyone have any suggestions?

Eskimo Kisses

Grace and Madeline giving "Eskimo Kisses" after dinner tonight! Trying to fit on the same little chair!

Leah giving Grace smooches!

Sharing

Leah is helping herself to Madeline's yogurt.

Project Me 2010

I saw that a bloggy friend, Heidi, was doing Project Me and I knew it was something I wanted to and needed to do. However after I got thinking about it I have no idea where to start since so much of my life revolves around the kids. Of course getting healthier and back into shape is going to be top on my list. I want to lose 20 lbs and just be healthier. We were supposed to go to the local YMCA today to join but I got a bad case of laryngitis and am just not into trying to scream at someone to sign us all up, so that is put off for another day.

My biggest project is to just be true to 'me'. Be more independent. To not worry about what others think of me. Know that I am a good Mom, I just have to trust myself more. Be comforted by the fact that I have a husband will support me no matter what, even if I'm wrong and who thinks that I'm beautiful no matter what.

This actually brings me to something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, getting another tattoo. I was never "in to" tattoos, and seriously never thought that I would ever get one. I love the way my first one makes me feel, I love the way that it looks and just like having it there. The tattoo I'm debating on getting will be very visible if I am wearing a tank top or bathing suit and that's what I'm struggling with. I don't want people to judge me but that's one of the things that I'm trying to get past...

Not Me Monday!

It's another "Not Me Monday" over at MckMama's blog!! I did not let Grace get temporary green sparkly streaks in her hair at the salon. I would never gag when opening the diaper pail to dump them into the washer after a particularly shitty day. lol I would not have heard my son say, "I tooted out of my mouth, but it smelled like my butt!" Nice. I certainly wouldn't be dreading the next three days and nights since I'll be here alone again with the 4 munchkins! After a week of being sick, I most definitely wouldn't have caught Leah picking Madeline's nose. Nope, not me. Not my kids.